Listening isn’t just being quiet while you wait to talk. Good listening requires that you actively participate, listen with your eyes and ears, process what’s being said, remember what’s being said, and respond appropriately.
What Are the Tasks of a Great Listener?
Being a good listener is one of the best ways to be more productive and build stronger relationships in the workplace, and in your personal life.
This important skill of being an active listener can help you advance your career, expand your professional network and build stronger relationships with friends, family, and colleagues. In fact, effective listening is one of the most important management skills for being successful in life. Here are some tips on how to become a better listener:
- Listen without distraction
- Make eye contact, nod, and smile when appropriate.
- Focus on what’s being said rather than thinking about what you’ll say next.
To be a good listener, you need to be present and honest with yourself and with the person you’re talking to.
It’s one thing to listen to someone; it’s another to be an effective listener. Being an effective listener is an active process that requires you to pay attention, ask questions, and give honest feedback. Simply saying you’re listening isn’t enough when someone needs to express themselves.
Be Present
Understand your own biases: When you’re listening to someone, it can feel like the conversation is all about the other person and not about you. When it comes to being a good listener, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Before any conversation, take some time to think about your personal feelings and opinions about what might come up in the conversation. Be aware of how those feelings and opinions might influence your thoughts and actions during the conversation. If you’re aware of your own biases before you start a conversation with another person, you’ll be better prepared for how they might show up during the conversation.
Practice Empathy
Listening takes practice, but showing empathy takes even more conscious effort because everyone experiences things differently. With empathy, we can understand how others experience pain and happiness without experiencing it ourselves. With this communication skill, we can better respond compassionately in situations where we don’t know exactly what another person is going through because we can try to recreate their feelings based on our own experiences or previous conversations with them.
Part of the listening process is, to be honest about what you can do for others, it shows strong listening skills and avoids you from taking responsibility for something you may not understand.
As much as we want to help others when they ask us for support, there are always moments when (for whatever reason) we’re unable or unwilling to do so – and that’s OK! The truth is sometimes too much for a person to handle – especially if they’ve never heard it before – so make sure that when you say “yes”, you really mean “yes”. If not, you should say “no.” Sometimes it’s better to be direct
Good Listeners Have Confidence in Themselves and Their Abilities, So They Can Focus on What Someone Else Is Saying
Effective listeners have confidence in themselves and their abilities so they can focus on what someone else is saying. This self-confidence allows you to focus on what’s being said rather than what you want to say yourself. If you don’t have confidence in yourself and your abilities, you may have a hard time focusing on what other people have to say because you fear that they’ve more knowledge or experience than you do.
To be a good listener, you shouldn’t worry about your abilities and be proud of the strong listening skills and experience you have. Being confident in your own abilities allows you to focus on what’s being said without having to compare yourself to others at the table.
Lack of confidence also shows up in a lack of openness. When someone lacks confidence in their opinions, they’re less likely to ask questions or engage with ideas they don’t understand.
This means that when something was unclear, they simply nodded instead of clarifying what was said (or asking clarifying questions). A good listener knows that you need to understand before giving an opinion or advice – and that requires openness and communication with others at the table.
Another benefit of trust is that active listening improves understanding. Openness allows us to hear a range of perspectives, but we can only understand those perspectives if we trust that we can understand them. When we use our past experiences and knowledge to understand new concepts, we can better connect new information to old information.
Leave Aside Your Own Judgments and Assumptions About the Speaker
This takes a lot of control, especially if you’re listening to someone who’s a very different opinion than you do. When you’re listening to someone who’s an opposing viewpoint on a topic, it’s easy to think of ways you could refute their arguments. Resist that temptation. It’s not about winning, it’s about understanding other points of view so you can work with others toward common goals.
A Good Listener Turns Off All Distractions, Such as Cell Phones or Other Electronic Devices
To be a good listener, it’s important to turn off anything that might distract you. If you have your cell phone or other electronic devices on and within reach, it could distract you from active listening and block good communication.
If something important is happening and you’re expected to listen actively, such as in a meeting, put your phone on silent and keep it in your pocket or purse without setting an alarm. In less formal situations where you can leave the room for a while, just put your phone in another room so it’s not even in sight.
If you don’t want to leave the room but still need to look at something other than the speaker, try putting your phone face down (or with the screen facing away from you) on the table or desk next to you. Sometimes this helps, because even though we try really hard not to look at our phone when it lights up with notifications, sometimes we just can’t help it!
If you need reminders for appointments or something like that, but don’t want to look at your phone every five minutes during a conversation, you can use Google Calendar or Reminders instead. That way, there won’t be as many distracting notifications sent directly to your phone!
Focus on Understanding the Speaker’s Message Instead of Just Hearing It
Listening doesn’t mean just being quiet while someone else is talking. Listening means responding to what’s being said and trying to understand the speaker’s point of view.
Listen for the message behind the words:
- What’s the person trying to convey?
- Is there a message behind the words?
- Is she trying to be funny, or is there emotion behind her words?
Focus on not only what’s being said, but also on why it’s being said and how it’s being said.
Pay Attention to the Emotion Behind the Words
Many people hide their feelings when they speak. This can make effective listening difficult because you may have no idea what they’re really feeling about a topic or situation. But if you listen carefully, you can pick up subtle clues like the tone of voice, facial expressions, or body posture that tell you how a person really feels about something, even if they don’t express those feelings in words.
Listen to the Speaker’s Point of View
The most important thing in good communication is to know your point of view – the basis on which you form all your opinions and ideas – and then listen carefully so that you can better understand the other person’s point of view and effectively articulate your own opinion without appearing self-righteous and condescending to others who don’t agree with you on everything (newsflash: no one agrees with everyone all the time).
Observe Body Language and Nonverbal Cues as You Do to Spoken Words
When listening to someone, pay attention not only to the spoken words but also to the body language and nonverbal signals: they can tell you more about what the person is thinking than their words can.
A fidgety listener might be bored or uncomfortable; a smile and a nod of the head might mean the speaker is enjoying himself or herself or that he or she agrees with what he or she’s saying. Don’t assume that your speaker’s body language conveys what it seems to – often it doesn’t! The most important thing about body language and nonverbal cues is that you know what your listener’s typical behavior looks like before you make assumptions about how they’ll take what’s being said.
It’s Not Only About the Content but Also the Feeling
Active listening also means listening with your whole body. Pay attention to the speaker’s gestures, posture, and facial expressions. These can tell you as much about what’s being said as the words themselves – and sometimes even more!
Remember, someone who says “I’m fine” in an apartment voice with his arms crossed may not be telling you everything he’s saying.
He or she’s clearly not feeling “fine” at that moment. If you’re having a hard time understanding him or her, ask if he or she can give you some examples of how he or she’s feeling or what’s bothering him or her. That way, you can get a clearer picture of what’s going on in their world and better support them.
Ask Questions to Clarify Information or Better Understand a Speaker’s Point of View
Asking questions is a good way to keep the conversation going, and it shows that you’re interested in what the speaker has to say. Asking questions gives you the opportunity to clarify information or better understand the speaker’s point of view, which can help avoid misunderstandings.
Asking questions also helps you avoid filler words like “like,” “uh,” or “uh.”
Questions are an important part of effective communication because it helps you get information or get clarity about something said. It also gives the speaker a chance to say more about what he or she wanted to say, and both sides can learn from each other.
When Listening in a Group, You Should Remain Attentive Even When Others Are Speaking and Not Be Distracted by Your Own Thoughts or Plans
When listening in a group, remain attentive even when others are speaking, rather than being distracted by your own thoughts or intentions.
- Focus on what others are saying, not on what you want to say next
- Don’t multitask while listening – try to put other things aside and focus on the speaker. Try not to interrupt, either mentally or verbally. Don’t let your mind wander, but give the speaker your undivided attention.
Effective Listening Skills Are an Important Communication Skill for Success in Life
Good listening is a skill we all need to practice. If good listening isn’t your strong suit, it can often feel like you’re forcing yourself to do something difficult, but with practice, communication skills become much easier to learn.
It can take a while to learn how to actively listen when someone is talking, and sometimes you’ve to make a real effort, but a good listener helps the person who’s talking by paying attention and showing that he or she understands what’s being said.
Active Listening Skills Allow Us to Absorb Important Information and Build Relationships With Others
Active listening techniques play an important role in solving problems and making decisions – perhaps even a more important role than our speaking skills!
If you can listen well, you can become a better leader because you can sense the mood of your team and know when you need positive encouragement or motivation. Good employees also always have good listening skills.
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